Hey Everyone! I'm back and ready to start blogging again.
Today, I would like to share something really personal, mainly because I can't
find my other quickwrite and I don't want to write it again. I actually don't
want to share this at all either, but I need to get a good grade in this class,
so please don't laugh at what I'm about to share with you guys. I would really
appreciate that. I'm sorry if I'm repetitive because when I write without
stopping, I'm not really thinking, so I don't know what I already wrote and
what I'm writing at the moment. So I hope you like it.
I’ve been building my fences since I was about 3 or 4. I have
many fences and most of them without a door or a gate. It all started when my
parents divorced. I don’t remember much of that day, but from what my mom and
dad said, it ended brutally with my mom throwing heavy objects at my dad as he
was leaving the house.
Since then, I’ve been building my fences layer after layer,
and now, it has become too high for me to see top. My fence keeps me from
getting closer to others. I’m afraid that if I let someone get close to me, I
will end up hurting them and pushing them away. I think the reason why I’m like
this is because my childhood was a crappy one. I don’t want to end up like my
parents, but with each year that passes living under my mom’s roof, I feel like
I’m starting to be more like her.
It is human nature to mimic the people close to you, so I
feel that I’m starting to copy her actions and I’m scared. I start getting mad
for no reason. I yell at people over the stupidest reasons, even though in my
heart I’m saying it’s no big deal. I start thinking the people around me are talking
to me behind my back.
My mom is always picking fights with everyone and she doesn’t
truly care about anyone but herself. I remember one time when I was about 7 or
8, or maybe younger. It was a long time ago, my sister and I were kicked out of
the house and she left us there. She drove off, and we didn’t know where she
went. It was getting dark and cold. We were hungry, so we tried to get the
oranges off of our orange tree. Later, our aunt came to pick us up and she
brought us to our grandparent’s house. Our mom was there and she started
yelling at us, then she apologized to us eventually. This was all because we
broke her lamp.
I never want to be like her, so I keep building my fences
higher and higher until it suffocates me. I don’t let anyone get closer to me,
so I keep them out and I keep how I truly feel inside and not let it out. I
pretend that everything is okay when it’s not and I feel suffocated and I want
to burst. I want to let people in, but I’m scared of hurting the people
I care about, so I just build my fences faster and higher in the end.
After writing this paper, I feel like the weights on my
shoulders have been lifted. Some part of my fence fell, and I got a whiff of
fresh air. A slight breeze, but then I realize all that has happened, so I
start building my fence again.
I hope you guys like this post. Well, not really, but I hope
you guys are reading my posts. Thanks! See you next time! Until then, see ya!
